I am Latino. My parents are from Panama and virtually all of my extended family lives in Panama. I also grew up in McAllen Texas, which, due to its close proximity to Mexico, felt, at times, very Mexican. Thus, in terms of both my background and my environment, I have been surrounded by Hispanic culture ever since I was a kid.

            Despite how integrated Hispanic culture was in my day-to-day – or perhaps because of it – I rejected this part of my identity for a very long time. I did not feel Hispanic or Latino for the majority of my life. In fact, I preferred to be considered just American and many times would hide my background. I would pretend I didn’t speak Spanish, or I would purposely associate myself with people who weren’t Hispanic or Latino.

            There wasn’t a specific reason for this. A part of it was that I struggled with the Spanish language for a long time and my insecurities made me shy away from speaking it. Another part of it was that, despite having a Latino background, I was not Mexican, and, when you consider the fact that I lived in a very Mexican part of the United States, there were times I felt left-out or excluded because of that. I feel as though I blamed the Hispanic culture for some of my insecurities and for some of this exclusion. This blame would in turn lead to my rejection of the culture as a whole.

            Because of my position on my own culture, I did not understand the relevance of culture to one’s identity for a long time. I didn’t understand why people felt so attached to a specific conception of themselves, or how that sort of thing could affect individuals so deeply. It remained that way until I left high-school and moved to Houston for college.

            The University of Houston prides itself on being diverse, so I heard a lot about the importance of identity and culture upon arriving there. But my real appreciation of culture came from living so far from my own. Despite there being a well-balanced distribution of races and cultures at my university, it was nowhere near as common to meet people who were of Hispanic or Latino descent. Because of that, I met several people who came from a completely different background to my own, and I began to realize how differently people could view certain situations.

            Interestingly, despite my attempts at trying to associate with people who weren’t Hispanic or Latino, this was the first time I felt truly exposed to different cultures. This made me notice that I was much more Latino than I thought. There were values and priorities that I had which not everybody had. There were situations that I thought called for specific behaviors, but not everybody would act that way. To add to this, me and some of the people who differed in these values/behaviors agreed on everything else, which told me there was something about those situations which caused us to view them differently. This led to the realization that opinions and beliefs could be based on something other than thought or reasoning. I realized that people could view life in different ways just because of how they grew up. This caused me to reflect on who I was as a person, and how both my environment and my background impacted that.

            I started to think about my values and who I was because of them. I valued family. I valued socializing. And I valued balance.  I was loose and friendly when I met new people. I appreciated a good vacation, and I felt that there was time for both work and rest. Marriage and certain relationships felt like unbreakable bonds, and one of my biggest goals was to have a stable family with wife and kids.

            When I thought about it, many of these values, goals, and aspects of my personality were passed on to me from both my background and my environment as I was growing up. In other words, I realized that many of these values and priorities were very Latino/Hispanic. Thus, somewhat ironically, despite how much I rejected it, I realized my culture was very much a part of who I am.

            I also began to understand that, as a result of how integral my values/culture was to who I was, it also meant that they dictated a lot of my priorities and motivations. I discussed one of my goals earlier and how it relates to my culture, but it turns out that pretty much every single big goal of mine relates in some way to me being Latino. For example, I want to be a clinical psychologist largely because of my view of socialization, my view of relationships, and my view of people as a whole. I want to help people because I enjoy being around them, because I feel so strongly about the relationships that I form, and because I appreciate that sort of connection. I could make a similar point about many of my other goals as well.

            Thus, I’ve changed my mind about how I view both identity and culture, and I’ve begun to understand why people hold on to it so strongly. I used to view identity as a title, or as something that tells somebody where you came from. Identifying as a Latino meant that you came from somewhere in Latin America, and that was it. But I realized that your identity – in my case, my cultural background – is who you are as a person, and what you care about. It reflects what you do on a daily basis, and why you act the way you act. It tells people something about what you believe and why, and it is a core piece of your goals and motivations.

            I now say that I am Latino, and very much so. I wouldn’t trade my culture for anything in the world, not because it is better, but because trading it away would be trading away who I am. My goals and motivations are the result of my values, and my values are the result of my identity and background. My identity is not a title, it is my core, and my core is Latino.