I was recently watching a series of videos posted by a YouTuber concerning some difficulties she had been having over the last couple of months in terms of motivation and general feelings of depression. In these videos, she talked a lot about how the struggles she was going through were making it incredibly difficult for her to both film/edit/publish any new content along with generally enjoy her day-to-day life. The last video she posted was basically talking about how, despite having worked through a lot of her problems, she felt as though it would be best for her to take a step back from YouTube and pursue other goals.

            As I was going through some of these videos and learning a bit more about this YouTuber’s struggles I began feeling as though a lot of her issues were relevant – they dealt with problems and concerns that were not only real, but surprisingly common. Because of this, I felt as though a thorough analysis of this YouTuber’s situation could be instructive for numerous different people. Thus, the purpose of this essay is to go through her situation in some detail in the hopes of helping people who are experiencing something similar. To accomplish this, her situation will be divided and discussed through three different takeaways: 1. How problematic a depression can be 2. How impactful change can be 3. How it is okay to struggle and be human. Each of these takeaways will be discussed respectively in the hopes that they can provide some general advice on how to go about this sort of situation. Before that though, I want to start with a bit of background concerning who this YouTuber is and what she was going through, at least as far as her channel shows.

            To start with her channel, this YouTuber is largely dedicated to creating videos that concern either fashion or her daily routine. Despite dealing with relatively well-known subjects, this YouTuber manages to add creative twists to most of her uploads. Through a combination of high-quality editing and unique ideas, she makes a lot of her content feel fresh and engaging. Likely as a result of this, her YouTube channel became quite large, amassing more than 500 thousand subscribers over the span of a few years.

            Outside of her channel, there is a lot of evidence to suggest that this YouTuber is an incredibly hard-working and motivated individual. She attended an Ivy League University for her undergraduate degree before moving to a large metropolitan area to continue her studies. She had periods of her life where she worked out and lifted consistently. She managed to maintain a relatively consistent upload schedule despite being in college. She reads, plays an instrument, and has a general interest in helping others with their struggles despite having some of her own. Everything generally points to her being a well-rounded, healthy, and motivated person.

            Despite all of that, a few months ago, this YouTuber posted a video discussing a depressive episode she had been experiencing. She mentions having symptoms related to a lack of motivation, a lack of interest in things she used to find pleasurable, a dis-interest in going outside, and a general gloomy outlook on herself and her life as a whole. What happened?

            According to her, the breaking point that led to her depression pertained to some family troubles which occurred shortly after she launched a new business venture. It seems like the turmoil with her family combined with the stress and anxiety that came with pursuing her new venture resulted in her feeling as though she could not be productive. This inability to be productive seemed to then contribute to a sense of guilt, as she thought that she had to be doing more than what her body seemingly allowed. It appears that these sensations produced a sort of endless cycle, where her stress and anxiety made it difficult to move or do things she would consider productive, this lack of productivity would cause her to feel guilt, and that guilt would cause her to feel more stress and anxiety.

            Luckily, after some time, this YouTuber found some solace in the form of therapy, a consistent interest in getting better, medication, and her close relationships. At this point, she seems to be doing much better, as she mentions in her last upload that she has some new outlooks on life that she feels are going to help her both be and stay happy. Still, despite the fact that she has been doing better, I feel as though a deeper dive into this situation through the lens of the three separate takeaways mentioned earlier could prove insightful, especially in terms of what sorts of things could contribute to this sort of depressive episode.

            The first important takeaway from this series of events is how problematic a depression can be, and how it can affect any sort of individual. There is this idea that has been mentioned in relation to depression that the fatigue or dis-interest that people experience is similar to the sensations people have when they are experiencing laziness. Because the two experiences appear similar, it would make sense to suggest that the remedy for fatigue is the same as the remedy for laziness – ignore it or push past it.

            The problem with this lies in that, if the individual experiencing depression thinks this way but then fails to push past their fatigue, they may begin to question their drives and motivations. Something of this sort appears to have happened with this YouTuber. She mentions multiple times throughout some of her videos that she was feeling stressed with her own actions. She talked about feeling sensations of guilt due to her inability to push past her feelings of exhaustion and be productive. In fact, it seems as though some of these sensations were so intense that she tried to rush her recovery just so that she could meet upcoming deadlines.

            In reality, sensations of fatigue and dis-interest have nothing to do with ‘laziness’. Often times we say that the people who are the least lazy are the most motivated. But, as mentioned earlier, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that this YouTuber is plenty motivated. With that in mind, why would she suddenly struggle with being lazy? I do not believe that, suddenly, over the course of a few months, she lost her motivation and became uninterested in her own success. In fact, I feel as though the stress she was experiencing in relation to her lack of productivity is evidence of this very point.

            The truth is that this YouTuber’s sensations of fatigue and dis-interest were both very real and very difficult to work around. Feeling miserable is not fun and feeling fatigued was part of what made this YouTuber so miserable. If she could have ‘push past her fatigue’ she would have. But she couldn’t, because fatigue and dis-interest aren’t sensations you can merely ignore.

            The second big takeaway from this situation is the impact of change, and how something seemingly minor can contribute to a whole host of issues. To explain this point, I want to take a moment to think about what exactly was going on around this YouTuber’s life at the time.

            As mentioned, this YouTuber points to some turmoil she had with her family right after she launched a new business venture as her breaking point. But, in my opinion, there was also a series of other things that happened around that time that was likely contributing to her eventual feelings of depression. (I am getting all of this information from her channel, so I could be wrong about some things, and I am definitely missing other things). For example, a few months prior to her family troubles this YouTuber graduated from university. A month or two after graduating she travelled overseas for a few weeks in order to get some surgery done. After this, she moved to a large metropolitan area in order to continue her studies and pursue an advanced degree. Finally, a few weeks after moving, she launched a business venture and encountered some turmoil with her family.

            When I look at this list of events, there is one thing that sticks out – change. This period of only a few months marked a tremendous shift in this YouTuber’s life – one from an undergraduate student who more-or-less knew what to expect each semester, to someone who graduated and had to figure it all out again. That is not an easy thing to handle, and it can be especially tricky when you start to add things like family trouble into the mix.

            I think it can be easy to undervalue just how impactful change can be on somebody’s life. Take just one of the changes that this YouTuber went through as an example – launching a new business venture. Depending on whether or not this was the first time she did something like this, there were numerous unexpected things that were likely headed her way. For example, a lot of business ventures typically require some form of marketing/advertising in order to be successful. This means that this YouTuber will now have to try and figure out the best way to do this sort of thing. She may need to create a website or figure out some way to get her new product/business on an online platform. As another example, this YouTuber may need to learn what it’s like to deal with failure or rejection at the level of a business. If her business deals with some sort of product, she may need to learn what sorts of products people actually enjoy/purchase and what sorts of products aren’t so successful. If her business deals with some creative endeavor, she may need to learn what it’s like to struggle with the pressure of creating something new on a consistent basis. The general idea here is that a new business venture brings about a host of new experiences, issues, and stressors that an individual will have to adapt to over time. It’s incredibly difficult to know just how any one of these changes is going to affect somebody, and it’s almost expected that some of them are going to knock you down for a while.

            A similar argument can be made for any of the other numerous changes this YouTuber was going through. The thing is that pretty much anything related to some form of change – where it be moving, to graduating, to starting a new job – will typically come with a sort of adjustment period where an individual will have to get used to all the extra things said change comes with.

            That isn’t to say that change is a bad thing or is something you should avoid. Moving from one phase of your life to another is a critical experience and is one of the things that contributes the most to personal growth. But what I am saying is that it is important to understand that struggling with this sort of thing is okay, and that you should give yourself adequate amount of time to get used to change and all its effects.

            This is one of the biggest issues that I feel this YouTuber had and is also one of the biggest things I think contributed to her eventual feelings of depression. In my opinion, I feel as though she was not okay with the fact that she was struggling. More importantly, I feel as though she couldn’t really wrap her head around why she was struggling. Moving to a new city, starting a new program, or getting some surgery done all seem menial in comparison to some of the ‘real’ problems other people face on a daily basis. It doesn’t make sense for most people that any of these things could cause them to feel so down. But change is a powerful thing with powerful consequences. We can’t help but be human, and it is completely expected, and completely normal, to have an adjustment period whenever things start to shift.

            This brings me to my third, and final, takeaway from this situation, which is – it is okay to be human. When it comes to living a productive and successful life, it may be natural to think that you have to do productive things each and every day. When going through a transition similar to the one this YouTuber was experiencing, we may feel as though we have to go through it while still maintaining all of the healthy habits we have had for all of our life. If we have always gone to the gym, something like learning to cook should not interfere with it. If we have always read at night, the sudden need to deal with traffic shouldn’t cause that to change. And if we have always worked 8+ hours a day, the sudden change in program or job shouldn’t lead to us being any less productive.

            But that isn’t always the case. Humans can really struggle with change, and it can take a long time to get used to a new situation. Bumps in the road are going to happen, and things which seem so minimal lead to inconsistencies within our daily routines. Despite that, it is incredibly important to remember who you’ve always been, and trust that this is who you still are.

            If you look back at your life and see yourself as a person who has always been active, you will find a way through all those bumps and eventually become active again. If you’re someone who has always been interested in acquiring more knowledge or reading more books, you will eventually stabilize your schedule and find a window that you can utilize to do that. And if you’re someone who has always been interested in your own success, you will eventually catch yourself slipping and get back on the right track. The key is to trust yourself and allow for these things to actually happen.

            Forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to slip are terrifying propositions. There is a real fear that you’ll never get back to being the person you want to be. But that fear should be evidence that you will. Given time, you will stop forgiving yourself and hold yourself accountable, and just like you rode the wave of negative feelings, you can now ride the wave of positive ones towards a better and more productive lifestyle.

            Thus, the general idea here is that it is okay to look at this sort of situation as a learning experience – one that you will struggle with, and one that will take time to get used to. The first couple of months dealing with change will likely lead to you questioning a whole host of things about yourself. You will feel doubt, and stress, and insecurity, and that is completely okay. Even in these dark times, it is important to continue to trust yourself and to work with yourself to try and figure everything out. If you’re feeling stressed out and fatigued, do whatever needs to get done, then take the rest of the day off. If you’re feeling like you need some comfort food, treat yourself. And if you’re feeling energetic and ready to tackle the day, push yourself and do as much as you can.

            This is all much easier said than done, but the importance of this final takeaway still holds true: it is okay to struggle. It is human to slip, and some of those slips are going to hurt way worse than others. Because of that, it’s important to not always rush standing back up. Given time, that pain will subside, you’ll stand back up, and you’ll be back to being the person who you’ve always wanted to be.